SWiM Starting with Me

On Being a Hypocrite

2008-09-03T14:15:00.005-05:00

Watching the small fringe group calling themselves anarchists trying to disrupt the RNC in St. Paul brought to mind how easy it is to be hypocritical. The dictionary definition of anarchism is "a belief in the abolition of all government and the organization of society on a voluntary, cooperative basis." (Concise Oxford Dictionary, 10th Edition) Our society is built on freedoms that include the right to hold beliefs contrary to the status quo and to speak them out. The message of the anarchist activity in St. Paul is a direct contradiction to what they say they believe.

The message is that people are NOT free to speak and act as they believe, otherwise, why try to keep the delegates from reaching the convention?

The message is that organization of society is NOT voluntary or cooperative, otherwise, why try to keep people from what they believe is right?

The message is that some form of government IS needed to protect private citizens from terroristic acts of violence that the anarchists clearly perpetrated.

But this ought to be a lesson to all of us to look carefully at how our behavior aligns or doesn't align with our beliefs.The very essence of ethics is to articulate a clear value system and act in accordance with it.

Repeat this: Starting with me, I will examine my intended behaviors BEFORE acting to see that they are not hypocritical.

On Interrelational Ethics

2008-08-26T11:54:00.000-05:00

Here’s a thorny ethical dilemma: Legalism vs. Grace. Law and order demand that we hold people accountable for their actions. Mercy and forgiveness suggest that we give people a break. Are the two incompatible? Ignoring wrongdoing is a slippery slope, but punishment is not necessarily “justice.”

Consider this: ethics suggests an ongoing, open dialogue about the competing values we see among individuals and societies. To coin a phrase, we need to be about “interrelational ethics.”

Repeat this: Starting with me, morals will be tested in relationship with others. I will be open to the give and take of dialogue.

On Striving for Win-Win

2008-08-16T11:39:00.000-05:00

Stephen Covey, in 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, names this habit: “Win-Win or No Deal.” His point is that a mutually beneficial outcome is always possible if we are willing to work for it. While his book is not about ethics, per se, this is a highly moral stand. It assumes that the needs of the other person are as valuable as our own. Covey states that people who are highly effective insist on meeting others’ needs as well as their own. If we were all to take this stand, the whole issue of ethics in the marketplace would take on an entirely different tone.

Repeat this: Starting with me, win-win will be the standard for behavior. I will work hard for that outcome.

On Valuing Contentment

2008-08-12T14:08:00.000-05:00

Is enough ever enough? Do we even know what the word “contentment” means today? The people I have most admired in my life were those who knew how to be content in all circumstances. They exhibit a peace, a calmness that I want to achieve. Oh, don’t misunderstand. They aren’t lazy. They still have goals and ambitions and passion. But they are not driven by those. They are fed by something inside, something more important than achievement. They have found contentment. They have moved from making needs-based decisions to making values-based decisions.

Repeat this: Starting with me, contentment will be a worthwhile goal. I will be driven by intrinsic values, rather than externals.

On Being an Environment Steward

2008-08-06T20:54:00.001-05:00

“Paper or plastic?” That question opened great debates in the last decade on our personal responsibility for the environment. Technology has since changed the equation, but we are still faced daily with decisions that affect the stewardship of the resources we have. What can the rallying cry be today? How can we raise awareness of the environmental issues involved in our everyday decisions? What will gas prices have to be before Americans begin to seriously conserve fuel? What species will disappear before we take responsibility for our planet?

Repeat this: Starting with me, stewardship starts with me. I will not wait any longer to make a difference.

On Giving Credit Where Credit is Due

2008-08-01T17:25:00.000-05:00

Is there really such a thing as a superstar? A sports team doesn’t win based on one player. A business doesn’t excel based on one person’s service. A family doesn’t thrive based on one member’s efforts. The truth is, credit is due to the group. In our individualistic society, we want to name heroes. But in actuality, unless we are working together, we will all fall.

Repeat this: Starting with me, credit for success will be given where it is due. I will neither hog the limelight, nor create individual heroes.

On Seeing the Big Picture (Long Term vs. Short Term)

2008-07-29T17:13:00.000-05:00

It’s a constant struggle. Doesn’t matter if you’re the CEO of a large corporation, or if you’re a person with a few bucks in a mutual fund. Which takes precedent, the long term or the short? If you only manage for short term profit, you will destroy the sustainability of your investment. If you ignore the short term you may not be around long enough to enjoy the eventual outcome. There is no simple answer. In fact, the natural tension between the long and short term expose the values which determine our ethics.

Repeat this: Starting with me, big picture questions will be a platform for examining values and improving ethics.

On Speaking Positively

2008-07-23T18:44:00.001-05:00

Come on, I know you heard it from your parents or teachers: “If you don’t have anything good to say, don’t say anything at all.” That’s good advice with immense implications for ethical behavior. Speaking positively creates an atmosphere of hope, of safety, and of trust. These are all vital to being able to openly explore moral issues and our resulting behaviors. Where negative attitudes are the norm, people expect everything to be wrong. Negative talk seems constantly judgmental. Is that you? Is that your workplace? Stop it.

Repeat this: Starting with me, there will be a positive outlook around here. I will speak the good word.

On Taking the First Step to Peace

2008-07-14T10:29:00.000-05:00

Who should take the first steps toward peace? Do we demand an apology before we are willing to forgive? Is it the victor or the loser who extends the olive branch? The answer depends on what we are really after. If we value principles above positions, if we value cooperation above justification, if we value being together above being “right,” then taking the first step toward peace is the first step toward peace.

Repeat this: Starting with me, peace will be the desired outcome. I will swallow my pride and take the first step.

On Rest and Vacation

2008-07-10T12:21:00.000-05:00

Did you ever think of “rest” as a moral issue? Probably not. But rest is important to maintaing a consistent ethical stance in everything we do. When we are stressed, tired, weak or sick, our decisions will tend to be based on our own needs first. It’s the human trait of self-preservation. But ethical behavior is based on recognizing and respecting the needs of others, as well as ourselves.

Repeat this: Starting with me, rest, vacation, and time off will be valued as a moral imperative. I will keep myself prepared to make sound ethical decisions.

On Submission to Authority

2008-07-06T20:00:00.001-05:00

In our society, submission seems to have a negative connotation, but it simply means “to place oneself under authority.” Note where the power lies – in the one submitting. Our whole society is built on submission. We have chosen to place ourselves under the authority of our own elected officials. We exercised the power to put them in authority. Think about this. Every time we commit an act that is illegal, we erode their authority, and at the same time, weaken our own power. Can you grasp the dilemma here?

Repeat this: Starting with me, submission is a virtue, not a dirty word. I will respect my country’s laws and those who make them.

On Valuing Equally vs. Treating Equally

2008-06-26T18:51:00.000-05:00

My mom believed in treating her kids equally. At Christmas, she’d buy all four of us adult kids the same present. We all got a sweater, or we all got a talking thermometer – whether we needed or wanted one or not. It was probably my own fault. I can remember as a kid complaining that my sister got something that I didn’t.

But I never really wanted to be treated equally, just valued equally. Do you know the difference? In an effort to value people equally, do you miss seeing them as individuals?

Repeat this: Starting with me, equality will take on new meaning. I will value people equally and treat them individually.

On Making Assumptions – Check the Facts/Motives

2008-06-16T15:59:00.001-05:00

There’s an old saying about the word “assume.” Suffice it to say, making assumptions often results in misunderstandings. Assuming we know someone else’s motives destroys any chance of getting to know and trust one another. Building an ethical environment demands open dialogue based on authenticity. We can’t know what people are thinking and feeling unless we ask them. So ask.

Repeat this: Starting with me, the only assumption that is okay is that of assuming I don’t know others’ motives. I will ask directly.

On Projection – Taking Out Frustration on the Wrong Person

2008-06-13T13:48:00.000-05:00

When I took psychology I learned that projection is transferring our feelings about one person onto another. Once a therapist identified projection, the patient could begin looking at the real target of emotions.

Why is that important to us in the workplace? We get upset with someone or something, but instead of dealing with it directly, we project our feelings somewhere else. The danger here is twofold. One is that the new target is getting dumped on unfairly. The other is that we never really deal honestly with the problem.

Repeat this: Starting with me, there will be honesty in the workplace. I will learn to deal directly and respectfully with my feelings.

On Self Centeredness

2008-06-06T16:02:00.000-05:00

In the year 1530, Copernicus proved that the earth revolved around the sun. Preposterous! I know it revolves around me. At least that’s the way most of us behave. We tend to be very self-centered. How does that affect our behavior? We begin to think we are entitled. Others should respect me. I should make more money. My time should be more important than others’. We begin to act as if we were more important than anyone else. And that leads to unethical and immoral behaviors.

Repeat this: Starting with me, Copernicus will be a sobering reminder. I will see myself in proper perspective with regards to others.

On Turning the Other Cheek

2008-06-04T10:49:00.000-05:00

We’ve all heard the old “turn the other cheek” philosophy, but does that make any sense in today’s world? Consider this familiar scenario. I’m driving along. A guy cuts me off. “He can’t do that!” I speed around him and hit my brakes. He tries to force me off the road. Et cetera. Had I simply “turned the other cheek,” countless headaches would have been avoided. I may have lost 3-5 seconds in my commute, but I’d be alive and less stressed. (And by the way, if I were honest, have I not done the same thing to someone else? If only accidentally?)

Repeat this: Starting with me, two wrongs will never make a right. I will not meet violence with violence.

On Loving the Unlovable

2008-05-29T12:44:00.001-05:00

Admit it. There are some people you find very hard to like – much less love. You probably try to avoid being around them. Now let me say this: “That’s just wrong.” Is someone any less of a person because she was born into a poor family? Because he has a chemical imbalance in his brain? Because she made some bad choices last year, or even last week?

The Golden Rule says, treat others as you would like to be treated. I don’t want to be marginalized, shunned, excluded. I want to be seen as a person, not a circumstance.

Repeat this: Starting with me, all people will be respected for who they are, not what they do.

On Servant Leadership

2008-05-25T19:46:00.000-05:00

Servant Leadership is a popular concept these days. What does it really mean? It means putting the needs of others before my own. This is not entirely unselfish. It’s a fact of human nature that unless and until others’ needs are met, they cannot work together to meet the needs of the organization. Maslow taught that people’s needs have to be met at basic levels before they can be effective.

How does this apply to you? You don’t have to be a manager or an elected official to be a servant leader. Repeat this: Starting with me, effective leadership will be in meeting the needs of others. I will put the needs of others before my own.

On Determining Truth

2008-05-13T14:03:00.000-05:00

Okay, let’s get a little philosophical. When it comes to morality, is there really a “right” and a “wrong?” In our democratic society, we tend to decide everything by majority rule. Are there certain things that ought not be put to a vote? Are there moral absolutes?

These are tough questions. But you must wrestle with the answers. Every time you make a decision, you are basing it on some moral belief. Have you truly examined that belief? I believe there are absolute truths and that belief colors my every action.

Repeat this: Starting with me, the basis for moral decisions will not be taken lightly. I will clearly define my beliefs and behave accordingly.

On Situational Ethics

2008-05-10T10:44:00.001-05:00

The term “situational ethics” suggests that the morality of an act is defined by the situation. One’s actions are either right or wrong depending on the circumstances. This is a philosophical issue way bigger than we can deal with here, but from a practical viewpoint, let me ask you: Are you comfortable with others making decisions involving you on what they think is right in that time and place? Decisions about your money? Your kids? Your faith? Your future? Think about it. It’s a constantly moving target.

Repeat this: Starting with me, the moral base for decisions must be clearly stated. I will not allow people to make decisions based on their perceptions of a situation.

On Settling for Second Best

2008-05-07T15:26:00.001-05:00

Is settling for second best ever enough? Just the very word “settling” suggests a surrender of some sort. And “second best?” Well, you decide. In practical sense, I accept that I will not always achieve the “best” outcome, but I resolve never to settle for second best. To do so means I will always be selling someone short, I will not be delivering what I am truly capable of, I will always be falling short of my implied or explicit promise to others.

Repeat this: Starting with me, second best will never be enough. I will always keep working to achieve the best.

On Inaction – Ignoring Ethical Issues

2008-05-01T10:33:00.000-05:00

“The land of the free and the home of the brave.” It’s no accident that Francis Scott Key linked those two thoughts. Living in freedom requires bravery. There are always those who would attack freedom – from within as well as without. Perhaps one of the most dangerous, insidious attacks on freedom is that of compromising the moral principles that undergird freedom. Bravery requires us to speak up. Ignoring ethical issues in our society contributes to the erosion of freedom.

Repeat this: Starting with me, ethics will be worth defending. I will not keep silent when I see moral principles challenged.

On Facing Conflict (Not Ignoring It)

2008-04-29T12:01:00.000-05:00

Why do so many people avoid conflict? For most personality styles, it’s uncomfortable, and culturally it’s often viewed as violent, or at least as an emotional struggle. But conflict is not by its nature a negative thing. If you care enough about a belief, you should be willing to confront those people or things which challenge your belief. Do this with an equal dose of humility and assertiveness, and the result is sure to be positive. “Confront” comes from a French word which means, “with common borders.” What a positive way to look at conflict.

Repeat this: Starting with me, exploring common borders is a constructive way to view conflict. I will care enough to confront my own beliefs.

On Taking Bribes

2008-04-17T13:42:00.000-05:00

Bribery. There’s a word for it in almost every language, past and present. In some countries there are laws against bribery; in others, it’s an accepted way of doing business. Even if it were legal, though, I submit it would be unethical. By definition, bribery is awarding favor in exchange for a reward. The focus isn’t on the quality of the service but on the quantity of the reward. Bribery bars qualified players from the field and favors the wealthiest participants. But bribery will go on as long as there is someone willing to pay or accept a bribe.

Repeat this: Starting with me, bribery will not be tolerated at any level, for any reason.

On Labeling – It’s for Products, Not People

2008-04-14T12:24:00.000-05:00

Truth in Labeling Laws help assure us that a product is what it is advertised to be. No such laws exist in the human realm. We label people incorrectly all the time. I’m not referring to nasty names or racial slurs. I’m talking about the ways we put people in boxes. “John is straight-laced. Susan is old school.” This presents a moral dilemma. Do we allow people to be who they really are, or do we force our own prejudices on them?

Repeat this: Starting with me, people will be encouraged to be all that they can be – I will not put them in box of my own making.