On Valuing Equally vs. Treating Equally

My mom believed in treating her kids equally. At Christmas, she’d buy all four of us adult kids the same present. We all got a sweater, or we all got a talking thermometer – whether we needed or wanted one or not. It was probably my own fault. I can remember as a kid complaining that my sister got something that I didn’t.

But I never really wanted to be treated equally, just valued equally. Do you know the difference? In an effort to value people equally, do you miss seeing them as individuals?

Repeat this: Starting with me, equality will take on new meaning. I will value people equally and treat them individually.

On Making Assumptions – Check the Facts/Motives

There’s an old saying about the word “assume.” Suffice it to say, making assumptions often results in misunderstandings. Assuming we know someone else’s motives destroys any chance of getting to know and trust one another. Building an ethical environment demands open dialogue based on authenticity. We can’t know what people are thinking and feeling unless we ask them. So ask.

Repeat this: Starting with me, the only assumption that is okay is that of assuming I don’t know others’ motives. I will ask directly.

On Projection – Taking Out Frustration on the Wrong Person

When I took psychology I learned that projection is transferring our feelings about one person onto another. Once a therapist identified projection, the patient could begin looking at the real target of emotions.

Why is that important to us in the workplace? We get upset with someone or something, but instead of dealing with it directly, we project our feelings somewhere else. The danger here is twofold. One is that the new target is getting dumped on unfairly. The other is that we never really deal honestly with the problem.

Repeat this: Starting with me, there will be honesty in the workplace. I will learn to deal directly and respectfully with my feelings.

On Self Centeredness

In the year 1530, Copernicus proved that the earth revolved around the sun. Preposterous! I know it revolves around me. At least that’s the way most of us behave. We tend to be very self-centered. How does that affect our behavior? We begin to think we are entitled. Others should respect me. I should make more money. My time should be more important than others’. We begin to act as if we were more important than anyone else. And that leads to unethical and immoral behaviors.

Repeat this: Starting with me, Copernicus will be a sobering reminder. I will see myself in proper perspective with regards to others.

On Turning the Other Cheek

We’ve all heard the old “turn the other cheek” philosophy, but does that make any sense in today’s world? Consider this familiar scenario. I’m driving along. A guy cuts me off. “He can’t do that!” I speed around him and hit my brakes. He tries to force me off the road. Et cetera. Had I simply “turned the other cheek,” countless headaches would have been avoided. I may have lost 3-5 seconds in my commute, but I’d be alive and less stressed. (And by the way, if I were honest, have I not done the same thing to someone else? If only accidentally?)

Repeat this: Starting with me, two wrongs will never make a right. I will not meet violence with violence.